Lords of Chaos

So the big news out of the black metal world this week is the announcement that producer Ridley Scott (Blade Runner) has hired Swedish director/musician Jonas Åkerlund to helm the film version of Lords Of Chaos, the much disputed and controversial tale of the early 90s black metal scene in Norway. The film will focus on the relationship between Øystein "Euronymous" Aarseth and Varg Vikernes, whose friendship didn't go so well, and which really went down the shitter when Vikernes murdered Aarseth in the summer of 1993.

Already, the metal community is scoffing and sneering, outraged at the idea of metal's most sacred subgenre being turned into a glossy Hollywood exposé. They're pointing to 2008's Until The Light Takes Us as the ultimate black metal film, even though they hated that one too when it first hit screens. Turning black metal into a product is perhaps the biggest taboo in the metal community, akin to talking about Fight Club. But who are we kidding? We're all going to watch the film, just admit it. Morbid curiosity is the sex and chocolate of the soul: we don't need it, but damn it makes life so much more tasty.

Cast in the lead roles are Rory McCulkin (brother of Macauley) and Caleb Landry-Jones. It's not confirmed who will be playing who yet, but popular opinion is leaning towards Culkin as Aarseth and Jones as Vikernes. I haven't seen Culkin in anything and therefore have no pre-formed opinions about his ability to tackle the role of the self proclaimed godfather of the black metal mafia. Jones on the other hand...

If you have not yet seen Antiviral, the first full-length effort from David Cronenberg's son Brandon, I strongly suggest that you do so immediately. Not only is Brandon the proverbial apple whose fall from the tree might have made the Guinness book of records for the shortest distance drop, but Caleb Landry Jones in the lead role is nothing short of a supernova. With his alabaster skin - splattered with a flaming galaxy of autumn colored freckles - and his hard, cold, ice-chip eyes, Jones just may be the perfect choice for Vikernes.

I'm sure Vikernes will disagree, but frankly I'm of the opinion that one could debate for hours with Vikernes about the exact color of orange juice and never resolve the issue.

Anyway, filming is slated to begin this autumn, in Norway. Director Jonas Åkerlund, admittedly best known for his long time collaboration with Madonna and director of the 2009 Se7en rip off Horsemen (a film I was utterly unimpressed with, although that may have had a lot more to do with my dislike of Dennis Quaid than I care to admit, but whatever) was - for a brief period - a member of the band Bathory, a band whose name is synonymous with God in black metal circles. Just ask Fenriz.

So yeah, Åkerlund has some street cred.

Meanwhile, also in Norway...

Norwegian filmmaker and gearhead madman Jorn Steen is putting the finishing touches on SAGA, a homegrown horror movie starring none other than Ted Skjellum, one half of legendary black metal group Darkthrone. With a full length trailer due to hit Norwegian TV tomorrow, news about Lords Of Chaos couldn't have been better if it had been deliberately timed. Which it wasn't.

Once SAGA has wrapped, Ted and Jorn will begin work on yet another film, this time with BOTH of them taking turns behind the camera. "Route 666: Backroads to Hell" will be a biker trip to Hell - LITERALLY! The guys are gunning it from Porsgrunn to Hell with some seriously sinister stops along the way, including Eagle Road (Fylkesvei 63), The Black Ice (Svartisen Glacier) and Jotunheimen, the mythical "home of the giants." And there may be some friends joining them along the way, but you'll just have to be patient and wait to see who else throws in.

So to all of the sneering little naysayers out there who are up in arms about the sacred being profaned, calm your titties. The genre is in good hands.