Year Released - 2003
Directed by - Chan-wook Park, who also directed Stoker.
Starring - That crazy fuck with the hair who played the scummy serial killer in I Saw The Devil.
Synopsis - Jackass guy is imprisoned in a room for 15 years, without knowing why or by whom. Upon his release, he immediately starts seeking answers and revenge.
Oh wow. Holy shit. Just...fucking hell. This movie doesn't just fuck with your head - it crawls right up inside there and gives it a solid, two hour humping with a rusty orbitoclast. Don't know what an orbitoclast is? Look it up. I'll wait.
Oldboy, you are sick. Deeply, perversely sick. You gaily skip along, backwards and forwards, refusing to explain yourself, demanding we keep up and pay attention. Psychotic parallel imagery has sex with the space-time continuum and spits out a neon clusterfuck of raw energy, savagery and sorrow. And blood. LOTS of blood. Truckloads of blood and more on the way.
Unfortunately for American audiences, you have to read subtitles unless you are fluent in Korean. Also, all o' them damn Asians look alike so it's kinda hard to tell 'em apart. Not like here in 'Murrica where we all gots da vah-RYE-etty. Man den Japo-China-Mese all look the same ta me.
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| Starring Josh Brolin as Rob Zombie. |
OLDBOY
Year realeased - 2013
Directed by - Spike Lee
Starring - Josh Brolin, that chick from Godzilla and Sharlto Mutherfucking Copley, whose presence in this film is the only reason I watched it at all.
Synopsis - Corporate jerk gets kidnapped and locked in a room for 20 years, without knowing why or by whom. Lather, rinse, repeat. Upon his release blahblahblah yaddayaddayadda yeahyeahyeah.
Oh yay! It's in English! No pesky having to read subtitles! Because we here in Wal-Mart land can't do two things at once without 30mg of Focalin!
Sharlto Copley. You know, that guy who only stars in films with one word titles like District 9? And Elysium? And Maleficent? Anyone? Dude is a fucking badass, especially when he plays the bad guy. Here he plays the poncey and somewhat effeminate bad guy with the impeccable wardrobe and sleek mannerisms and the family history that makes the Menendez brothers look like the fucking Brady Bunch. Seriously, this git could out-slick an Exxon oil spill. Also, we get to see his ass.
That's Samuel L. Muthafuckin' Jackson doing his best impersonation of Brian Peck's "Scuzz" from "Return of the Living Dead." And it's hilarious. Not sure if it was meant to be, but it is.
There was just no point to this remake. All it is, ultimately, is a cleaned-up, condensed version of the original, with all of the symbolism removed and all of the pertinent subplots thrown aside in favor of tighter action sequences and a shorter runtime that wouldn't interfere with the average American movie-goer's lack of attention span.
Also, I suspect Spike Lee of being an arrogant cock.
Not that that has anything to do with anything, but I just felt like mentioning it.
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